Fraternization at the Workplace
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: It's April Fool's Day and the gang has plenty of tricks up their sleeves, even Jethro Gibbs!
1. Chapter 1

**Fraternization at the Workplace**

**A/N: I do not own NCIS.**

**Chapter One**

"Guess what day it is!" Tony DiNozzo shouted as he sauntered into the bullpen with a smirk upon his face. Ziva and McGee were both sitting at their desks, typing away and rolled their eyes upon Tony's entrance. He was always up to something.

"What day is it?" Ziva decided to play along.

"April First."

"Okay?"

"It's April Fool's, Zee-vah," Tony rolled his eyes.

"Oh, is that what day it is?" McGee asked with feigned concern, "I forgot."

"Yup – and you know what that means."

"What does that mean?" Ziva turned to McGee.

"It means hell for us."

"Joy," Ziva returned to her typing as Tony promenaded over to his desk across from Ziva's.

"I'd be scared if I were you."

"Tony, I am not afraid of anything – including a thirty-four Italian with the mindset of a pubescent adolescent still waiting in anxious anticipation for his balls to drop."

McGee's eyes widened in shock.

"Wow," Tony was taken back too by her comment, "Nice one, Zi. I think I am rubbing off on you."

"Please," she smirked, "Don't you think I am perfectly capable of whit myself?"

"No."

"Well I am. I'll have you know I was quite the prankster myself back in school."

"You?" Tony laughed, "HA!"

"It's true. Anyone messed with me…"

"They didn't live to tell the tale."

The trio looked up to see Jethro Gibbs entering the pen with a smirk on his face. He sauntered over to the middle of the pen and flipped the switch. A projector screen descended and McGee stood, allowing the boss to have his desk for whatever computer work he was about to do.

"Hi, Boss!" Tony grinned.

"DiNozzo, wipe that stupid looking smile off your face. We've got business today. I just got the call telling us that General Mary's…" Tony snorted with personal amusement at the name, "wife was found beaten to death in their home. The thing is, our wonderful General has apparently skipped town and no one can reach him."

"Want me to pull up his files?"

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded to McGee, "You can run files and DiNozzo, Ziva, and I are going to check out the scene."

"Yes sir."

"Suit up," Gibbs called to the two, "And Tony, are you still really waiting with '_anxious anticipation_' for them to drop?"

Tony growled, glaring daggers at Ziva who smiled innocently, excusing herself to the lockers. They shared a single locker room, not common protocol, considering the women's locker room had flooded, but there was a set of lockers separating the men's side from the women's side. Ziva walked over to hers and applied the combination.

"You think you're so smart?" Tony called to her from his side.

"Yes, actually. Why?"

"No reason."

She rolled her eyes, still trying to get accustomed to his behavior. It had been almost five years since she had worked NCIS and almost one since she had been an agent and still, she wasn't used to Tony. Just when she thought she understood him, he went and did something so unpredict…

"Tony!" Ziva shouted, "What the hell is that!"

"What do you mean, love?"

"That…that thing in my locker!"

"Oh that. That's a sandwich."

"From what decade?"

"I dunno. I've had it for almost two months now. I've been keeping it to slip in McGee's desk but this was just too much fun. Ha, you scream like a girl."

"I am a girl, Tony," Ziva said, her voice cool, clipped.

"Wouldn't have guessed."

Ziva glared at the composting pile of rot and smirked. Tony thought he could push her around with no payback? He should have known better. Ziva picked up the sandwich, stood on the bench, and peered out over the top of the lockers at Tony. He was in the process of changing from his khaki pants into the blue ones when he felt something splat against his back.

"Are you kidding me?"

"It's a good scent on you. It goes with your personality – rotten."

"You'll pay, Zee-vah," Tony hissed.

"Yeah well, we'll see about that."

She quickly changed, her skin prickling at the thought of Tony only a few feet away. He was driving her absolutely crazy.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Uh-huh."

Tony and Ziva left the locker room, and the sandwich behind. She couldn't help but notice, as she walked behind him, that he carried the unique scent of compost. It was quite amusing. As they entered the bullpen, McGee started sniffing, then checking his shoes.

"What is that?"

"What is what?" Tony asked, as if daring him to answer.

"N-nothing."

"Come on!" Gibbs barked, "You two are riding with me."

"But, Boss, I usually take Bessie…"

"Bessie," Ziva let out a muffled snicker.

"Not today. You two are leaving your cars and riding with me. No excuses."

Tony and Ziva shot each other a questioning look. Neither knew what Gibbs was up to and is was quite disconcerting. They made their way to the parking garage and Tony headed towards the shotgun seat of the Jag.

"DiNozzo, backseat."

"Boss…"

"You smell like shit, DiNozzo. Backseat."

Ziva smirked as she pushed past him to the front. Riding in Gibbs' car was not a usual occurrence. In fact, this was the first time either of them had been in his car. It was small, sleek, and the backseat was practically nonexistent. Tony had to sit with knees uncomfortably to his ears.

"You okay, Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Peachy."

"You know, some medical doctors prescribe certain deodorants for excessive body odor, you might want to check into it."

Tony glared at her and mouthed the words, "I hate you."

"So, Boss, who found the body?"

"The neighbors. They called the police who did a thorough investigation. The medical examiner pronounced her dead about two weeks ago. The neighbors noticed the suspicious smell…"

"Ew."

"DiNozzo, here," Gibbs pulled out the 'forest mist' air freshener from the glove box and reached back, placing it over his ear, "Should help."

"Thanks, Boss," Tony hissed.

"What do we know about the general?" Ziva asked.

"Decorated. A good man."

"Who just happened to snap and beat the crap out of his wife? Sounds like a good man to me."

"DiNozzo, you are speculating," Gibbs shot him a look in the rear-view-mirror, "We don't know he did it. We need to check out all of our options before deciding, alright?"

"Yes sir."

"And DiNozzo?"

"How the hell did you get that nauseating smell?" His boss demanded.

"A run in with a PMSing sandwich."

"It wasn't PMSing," Ziva rolled her eyes, "It was angry to have been left in a locker overnight."

"It's been left in my desk for a month!"

"Either way, it was gross."

"Tell me about it! It was hurled at me because it was PMSing."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs glared at him, "What have I told you about curse words?"

"PMSing is a curse word?" Ziva asked.

"To guys it is," Tony filled her in, "Especially in regards to you."

"Gee, thanks."

"So what, do you like shoot people if you don't get chocolate."

"Basically, only for me, it is not chocolate, it's peppermint."

"Nice," Tony nodded.

"DiNozzo! Stop discussing Agent David's hormones," Gibbs ordered, "We're stopping at Wal-Green's first. I need to pick up some Lysol."

"For the car, Boss?"

"No, DiNozzo, for you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**A/N: Our general is now just a lieutenant. I figured it'd be more factual.**

"Ew," Tony shuddered as he looked at the dead body, "Someone really wanted to make sure she didn't live to see tomorrow."

Ziva looked at him, wishing he would just shut up. He always had something to say. The woman was lying crumpled on the floor, her eyes were puffs of swollen red sacks, blood had dried around her nose and mouth, her arms were black with bruises, her legs were confettied in cuts. Ziva had seen a lot as NCIS and Massob but nothing like this.

"Any DNA?" She asked.

Gibbs nodded, "Under her fingernails but it is unidentifiable. Her husband, Lieutenant Mary…"

"He-he, Mary."

Gibbs slapped Tony in the head and continued without missing a beat, "has his DNA in the system. But who knows where she could have contracted this from. Most of it consists of fibers from a something red, a jacket or coat maybe."

"Little red riding hood should have been more careful and not let the big bad wolf into her house," Tony snapped a picture of the body.

"What do you mean?" ZIva asked.

"The frame of the door was not crooked and the hinges were not bent. Whoever did this was here under Mrs. Mary's own will."

"Her name is Rita," Gibbs corrected, "And forensics already noted that, DiNozzo."

"Ha!" Ziva pointed to him as if his personal embarrassment was her own accomplishment.

"Nice, Zi," Tony growled.

A police officer approached them with a tired look upon his weary, sunken face. He shook, Gibbs' hand.

"I am Officer Dominguez. I came right when we got the call. Pretty bad, huh? Body decomp. has already sunk in and she is in pretty bad shape."

"Do you mind if we have her sent to our lab?" Gibbs asked, "Our forensic psychologist is good with things like this."

"Of course. Our medical examiner had a look at her for the TOD but this is your jurisdiction given the status of her husband."

Gibbs and the officer talked some more while Tony and Ziva snapped some pictures.

"Murder weapon," Tony nodded towards the broken lamp on the floor, splattered with dried blood.

"Bag it," Ziva instructed.

"How long do you think it lasted?"

"How long do I think _what _lasted?"

"The…beating."

"Thirty minutes to an hour," Ziva glanced at the body again, "Based on the bruising. It's deep, but not enough to kill her at once."

"Most likely internal bleeding?"

"Most likely," ZIva nodded, "She's so young."

"Mom too."

"What?"

"Look at the pictures."

Tony was right. Pictures of Rita with a little girl scattered the walls.

"Damn it," Ziva cursed, "Where is she?"

As if on cue, Gibbs met up with them in the living room where the body was. He grimaced at the pictures.

"We got to find the kid," he said, "Who knows where she is or what she has seen."

"Looks no more than five. Think she's alive."

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded, "I do. But who knows what kind of shape she is in. We gotta get an Amber out on this girl, alright? Call McGee and let him know."

"Sure thing, Boss."

After informing McGee, squaring things away with the officers, the trio headed back out on the road. Everyone was silent, the same thing upon their minds – the little daughter.

"Hey, Boss?"

"Yeah, DiNozzo?"

"Why did we take your car?" Well...almost everyone.

"Why do you think?"

"Because you are cruel and sadistic and wanted to see as squirm with confusion and worry that you would drop us off in the middle of a forest and chop us to bits?"

"Meh," Gibbs mumbled, but didn't deny it.

"Gibbs isn't sadistic," Ziva rolled her eyes.

"Brown-noser."

"Thank you, Agent David," Gibbs almost smiled at her.

"How come _you _get such special treatment?" Tony demanded.

"You smell like compost mixed with fresh forest air freshener, mixed with vanilla Lysol and you're wondering why _you _don't get respect or special treatment?" Ziva asked.

"I swear, Ziva, you will pay for that sandwich."

"If you say so, Tony."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**A/N: I am so glad you all like this and find it funny, but it will gain a more serious note, as NCIS tends to do. They mix humor with something serious as comedic relief. Also, your reviews are really sweet but if there is any advice/tips/ideas/criticism, that's more than welcome too.**

"I got the Amber out," McGee greeted them as they entered the bullpen, "And I did some background on our missing kid. She's the daughter of Rita and General Thomas Mary, as we suspected. She is six years old, her name is Isabella, and no one has reported her missing."

"Not even her school?" Ziva asked.

"No. She's been gone for two weeks and no one has missed her," McGee answered, his eyes darting to the floor. Ziva felt her jaw tighten and Tony, who stood next to her, stiffen.

"We got to find her, boss," Tony said.

"We will. DiNozzo, Agent David," (Gibbs loved being able to say that), "Go check around at her school."

"Harper Elementary," McGee informed them.

"And McGee, you go down and fill Abby in. She wouldn't want to be left out of this."

"Boss," Tony interrupted, "If she knows details the whole office will be a shrine to Little-Girl-Lost, teddy bears on everyone's desks and pink rose petals everywhere. She'll be holding prayer vigils and…"

"Tell her," Gibbs nodded to McGee, ignoring Tony.

Ziva grabbed her things and she and Tony headed back onto the elevator. They rode down to the garage in silence, both thinking about that little girl. All thoughts of pranks, revenge, or snide comments were gone. This case was more important.

"How does someone disappear for two weeks and no one cares."

"Maybe dear old daddy checked her out of her school. 'Family vacation' or some kind of bullshit like that."

"But honestly, two weeks? If I went missing…" Ziva stopped right there. Truth was, she did go missing and her father didn't look for her or even care. While NCIS (Tony specifically) risked everything to get her out, what was her father doing? Drinking brandy with his friends? The thought sent a chill up ZIva's spine.

"People would look for you, Zi. _ We _did."

"Yes," she nodded solemnly, "Thank you."

"No problem. What's a life without you anyways?" He said, before realizing the meaning behind his words. Both went very quiet and busied themselves with staring straight ahead. The elevator doors finally opened and both stepped out into the garage.

"Your car, or mine?"

"We'll take mine," Ziva grinned as she marched over to the sleek, black Dodge Charger.

"New car?"

"Yep."

"Can I do the honors?"

"In your dreams, Tony," Ziva dug the keys out of her bag and slid them into the ignition. She loved her new car. It had been a treat to herself after everything she had been through. She wasn't big on rewarding her own weakness but for some reason, she felt that this little prize was deserved.

"She's nice."

"Yes, she is. Fast too."

"Uh-oh, Ziva…"

"What? _Scared_, Tony?"

Tony rolled his eyes and slid into the Charger. It was nice: all black, black exterior, black leather interior, surround sound, seat warmers…

Ziva yanked the car out of the parking spot and hurled it out of the garage. The engine screamed and the wheels squealed as she brought it up to the highway. Her foot began to press the petal a little bit more, and more, and more, and…

"You are going to get us both killed!"

"She can go faster."

"Ziva…"

"If I wanted her to…"

"Ziva…"

"What? Can't take the heat?" She asked and for a split second, Tony would have sworn she was flirting with him. That all went away when his upchuck reflexes kicked in.

"I think I'll be sick."

"Not in this car you won't."

"Zi…you got to slow her down."

"Make me."

"Ziva…we're going to be going into a school zone."

"Then I'll slow down when I get there. But now, I am on the highway and I am going to get her as fast as I want."

"And speeding tickets mean nothing to you?" Tony asked.

"I am a girl. All we have to do is cry."

"That is low, especially for you."

"Hey, I didn't say I _enjoyed_ it. It is just a way to get out of a ticket. No police officer can give a girl a ticket when she has a breakdown."

"Wow…can't picture you having a breakdown."

"I don't, not really anyways. It's just acting. We're getting closer."

Ziva exited the highway and slowed her car down to a refreshing 80."

"How fast were we going?"

"100."

"_100_?" Tony shouted.

"She can get up to 180…"

"Ziva, you're insane."

"Maybe."

They didn't speak during the duration of the drive. Finally, the Charger pulled slowly (Ziva did respect the school zone laws) into the parking lot of Harper Elementary. She parked in the Visitor Parking zone and hopped out of the car. Tony wasn't as quick. He slowly stood up and wobbled a bit.

"Mental, you're mental!"

Ziva smiled sweetly as she pushed past him and headed through the doors of the school. He followed, walking a bit…off.

"Hello," Ziva said to the plump woman with dyed red hair who was sitting at the desk, "I am Special Agent Ziva David, and this is my partner Special Agent Tony DiNozzo. We are with NCIS."

"Yes. What has happened? Is this about one of our students?"

"We are looking for Isabella Mary. Her mother has been killed and her father is missing. We can't find Isabella anywhere."

"Oh, little Isa. She's such a beautiful child, kind heart. Sad story though. Her family life was more than miserable."

"How so?" Tony asked.

"That father of her. He was in the NAVY as you know, a lieutenant or something of the kind. Always gone, deployed wherever sent. Isa hardly ever saw him and when she did, let's just say war changes people."

"Was he abusive?" Ziva asked.

"We had reason to expect so. Not as bad as I've seen, but she's one of those children who come in with visible lack of sleep. I don't know if he ever hit her, but she always looked so exhausted when she would come to school and it would only be when he was back in town."

"Do you know where we might find her?"

"Her father has a lake house in Malachi about three hours from here…"

"Okay, great. Thank you so much," Ziva smiled warmly at the woman who was eyeballing Tony.

"You're a lucky one, Miss."

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"To hook a boyfriend like _him_!"

"He isn't…"

"Don't patronize me, darling. I see the way you two look at each other…"

Tony and Ziva left the school without a single word to each other. Both were a little concerned with what the school secretary had to say. Never in a million years, Ziva swore to himself.

"So…how awkward was that?" Tony asked, noticing the speed of the car was accelerating. He glanced at the dash, it was up to 115, "Ziva…watch your speed."

She didn't answer, only pushed the pedal harder and glared straight ahead.

"Come on…Ziva…you got to slow down."

Again, an acceleration.

"Ziva…I am _sure _she didn't mean anything…"

"Not in a million years, Tony DiNozzo, not in a million years."

Another acceleration.


End file.
